Writing Your Way Toward Her
Writing is the one way to express yourself that's always there, before the birth and after. Start with a letter to your baby, in a warm rose bath.
The Threshold · Chapter 6
There are so many ways to express how you feel, and after your baby arrives, some of them may be out of reach for a while. Writing is always available. A notebook, a pen, even the notes app on your phone will be there whenever you need them, and writing helps you express the emotions that may be quietly weighing on you.
A letter to your baby is a wonderful place to start. It's a chance to put your gratitude, your joy and your excitement into words, all the things you can't wait to share with them, and the little things you already love. Some mothers write one letter. Some write a few lines every week until the birth. Either way, it becomes a record of the weeks you spent waiting to meet each other.
If you're not sure where to begin, these questions might help:
What am I most looking forward to sharing with my baby?
What do I already love about them?
What do I want them to know about the time before they arrived?
Writing in a warm bath
I love to write in a scented bath. When I want to shift my mood, I shift the temperature I'm in. If I want to wake up and freshen up, it's a cold shower. When I want to relax and process my feelings, I look for warmth and pleasure, and a bath offers that beautifully. Writing there helps me process my emotions in a more comforting place.
I'd reach for the Belly Expansion Ritual for this occasion. The rose soak goes into warm water, and the scent rises softly with the steam while the water moves around your belly and holds the weight you've been carrying all day. Bring your notebook in with you and write for as long as it feels good. Afterwards, butter up with Bump Butter. It melts the moment it touches your skin, and your hands can move slowly over your belly and your hips, taking their time. Finish with a few drops of Tender Skin Serum on your face, with its trace of warm vanilla. The scents are all designed to be light and supportive, and that gentle uplift helps when there are heavy emotions to process too.
If you'd like a simpler version, the Belly Glow Ritual brings Bump Butter and the Rejuvenating Serum without the soak.
Why the good feelings matter
This matters for both of you. When you feel gratitude, joy and excitement, your body makes more of the hormones that help you feel good, and the feel-good hormones cross the placenta too. Your baby's nervous system is forming right now, before they're born, and your good moments are part of the world it's forming in.
Writing will matter just as much after the birth. In the first week or so, many mothers want to write down their birth story while every detail is still close, and there's a reason that helps. In one study, women who wrote about their birth in the first days afterward had fewer trauma symptoms three months later, and many had fewer symptoms of depression too.
Every page you write, before the birth and after it, is you writing your way toward the mother you're becoming.
So this week, start your letter. "Dear little one" is a perfectly good first line.
Motherhood is long and this season has many layers. The Inner Circle is where I write to you each week as this season unfolds. Each letter brings research and reflection, a short practice you can use in real life, and one practical idea for the week ahead. Free to join.
The First Year of Motherhood™ keeps a moment for you
After the birth, The First Year of Motherhood™ keeps you company week by week, with rituals, somatic practices, and skincare for you and your baby, so there's always a moment in your day that belongs to you.
The Threshold series continues next week.
Questions mothers ask about writing through pregnancy and birth
Why write a letter to your baby before they're born?
A letter gives your gratitude, joy and excitement somewhere to go, and it becomes a keepsake of the weeks before you met. Feeling good while you write it matters too: the feel-good hormones cross the placenta, and your baby's nervous system is forming now, before birth.
What should I write in a letter to my unborn baby?
Whatever is true for you. You might write what you're looking forward to sharing with them, what you already love about them, or what these last weeks of pregnancy feel like. There's no right length. A few lines each week works as well as one long letter.
Can my emotions during pregnancy affect my baby?
Partially, and it works both ways. Stress hormones cross the placenta, though your body buffers a good deal of them. The feel-good hormones cross too. That is why moments of joy and calm, like a warm bath or a letter to your baby, do real good for both of you.
Does writing about my birth help?
There is real evidence that it can. In one randomized study, women who wrote about their birth in the first days afterward had fewer trauma symptoms three months later, and many had fewer symptoms of depression. Writing it down also keeps details that tend to fade in the busy early weeks.
When should I write my birth story?
Many mothers find the first week or so is the easiest time, while the details are still close. If the days fill up and you reach it later, it still counts. Your birth story is yours to write whenever you're ready, at three weeks or three years.
Sources
- Di Blasio, P., Camisasca, E., Caravita, S. C. S., Ionio, C., Milani, L., & Valtolina, G. G. (2015). The effects of expressive writing on postpartum depression and posttraumatic stress symptoms. Psychological Reports, 117(3). PMID 26595300.
- Transplacental transfer of oxytocin and its impact on neonatal cord blood. PMC11506339
- Human placental transport of oxytocin. PubMed 8930795
Matrescence and the Fourth Trimester
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