The Mother Blessing

By Henrieta Haniskova, Former Nurse, Certified Clinical Aromatherapist, and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Have you heard of a Mother Blessing? It's one of the most beautiful ways to celebrate a mother-to-be, and I want you to know about it before your baby arrives.

Picture this: a room full of women who love you, and every single one of them is there for you. The baby gets plenty of attention at the shower. This day is all about you! A Mother Blessing honors the strength it has taken to grow a whole new person, the courage you'll bring to the birth, and the mother you're becoming. I think of it as mothering the mother in its simplest form. Before you spend a year caring for someone else around the clock, the women who love you take a moment to care for you.

A little history, because the name matters. Many modern Mother Blessings were inspired by the Blessingway, a sacred ceremony of the Diné, the Navajo people, that blesses a person through the big passages of life, including the time before a baby is born. It's theirs. Back in 2004, Diné women asked that gatherings outside their tradition stop using the word Blessingway, and they suggested another name instead: Mother Blessing. So that's the name we use, and we're grateful for it.

And the Diné are far from the only ones. Women all over the world have gathered around a mother-to-be before her baby comes. Indian families celebrate Godh Bharai, blessing her and filling her lap with gifts. Japanese mothers go to a shrine in their fifth month, on the Day of the Dog (dogs give birth so easily!), and a long white sash is wrapped around the belly for a safe birth. At seven months in Java, the women of her family bathe her and wrap her in seven batik cloths, one after another. When the birth is close in China, her own mother's family arrives with chicken, eggs and noodles to wish her an easy labor. And all over Europe a few hundred years ago, a woman close to giving birth gathered her closest women friends around her, the ones who would cook, keep her company and stay by her side through the birth. The English called them her "gossips" (yes, that's where our word comes from!), the French her commères, the Italians her comari and the Spanish her comadres, and they all mean the same thing: co-mothers. In Spanish, the word for midwife, comadrona, grew out of that very word.

In the villages of Central and Eastern Europe, a pregnant woman usually kept working right up to the birth, and the pregnancy was kept quiet to protect her. But her wishes were sacred. In Poland, it was bad luck to refuse a pregnant woman anything, her mistakes were to be forgiven, and her husband was supposed to pay her compliments. (Some traditions deserve a comeback!) In Slovakia, if she craved a food, she got it, because people believed a refused craving would show up on the baby as a birthmark. And the big celebration of her came after the birth. In Slovak and Czech homes, the new mother rested for six weeks in a corner of the room behind a beautifully embroidered curtain, while the women of the village took turns bringing her chicken soup with long noodles, for the baby's long life, and fresh cake in pots made just for her. In Hungary, the godmother arrived with a whole basket of food and said, "I brought you a little something, so you get strong."

So what actually happens at a Mother Blessing? Every one is a little different, and that's part of the fun. The women might sit in a circle and share their own birth stories, and the things they wish someone had told them. Each one might bring a bead with a wish for your birth, and string them into a necklace you can hold during labor. Sometimes everyone ties a red cord around their wrist and keeps it on until they hear your baby has arrived, so you know they're all thinking of you. And there's often someone rubbing your feet while the others speak their blessings out loud. Honestly, who wouldn't want a foot rub at 31 weeks?

Here's my former nurse perspective. Toward the end of pregnancy, the reality of becoming a mother starts to sink in, and the first thing that has to happen is the rite of passage itself: giving birth. We can plan, we can organize, we can think everything is set, and things can still change very quickly. So these last weeks are really a time to surrender, and to accept whatever may come. That brings up a lot of heavy emotions, often fear too, and those feelings are best eased in the company of other women. Our nervous systems are built to settle around people we feel safe with. Laughing together, talking, enjoying each other's company and feeling part of a circle of women helps a mother feel held, and it helps her body relax, which is exactly what a mother-to-be needs.

When I was close to my due date, my midwife told me to relax, eat something delicious and watch something funny. She wanted the feel-good hormones flowing, so my body could do the work it was built for. When you're relaxed and able to surrender, birth tends to flow more easily. In those last weeks I met up with my friends as often as I could, because I knew my time would be very limited once my baby arrived, and I'm so glad I did. Being with them was reassuring and comforting, it took my mind off the big elephant in the room, the birth, and it made me look forward to my life with a baby.

I think that's the real purpose of a Mother Blessing: a break from the daily worrying. You can't control how the birth will unfold anyway, so for one day you get to let go, laugh with the people you love and relax, and that is birth preparation too. Getting ready for a baby is about more than the tiny clothes washed and put away. It's also about preparing the mother, saying goodbye to her maiden days and being welcomed into the motherhood club by women who understand what she's about to go through and who will hold her through it. That makes a big difference from the birth on, and really for the rest of her life.

Your Mother Blessing can be whatever celebrates you and your baby. You and your friends might follow your own traditions, or create a new one entirely. Some mothers enjoy including the Rose rituals in their own Mother Blessings, to make it even more special with beautiful scent and pleasurable sensations. With the Rose Threshold Ritual, they take a warm rose soak, and then their friends give them a facial massage with the serum, the one with real petals and flakes of gold leaf floating inside. The Rose Immersion Ritual adds Pink Butter, so their friends can massage their body as well, and everyone is steeped in that beautiful rose fragrance, relaxed and calm. It doesn't have to be the day before you give birth. Practices like these, done in the weeks before, help to regulate your nervous system and make you feel ready for the crossing. And if your friends are wondering what to bring, this makes a beautiful gift!

So, what would your Mother Blessing look like?

Who are the women you'd want in the room?

What do you most want to hear from them before your baby arrives?

What would you like them to hold for you while you give birth?

You can start tonight, just by imagining it: the faces around you, and the words you'd most want to hear.

The Threshold series continues next week.