Touch More Rest

In the last chapter we brought warmth back into the day. Now we turn to rest, which doesn't have to wait for sleep.

When You're Exhausted and Wide Awake

"I'm so tired I feel sick, but the second I try to sleep I'm wide awake."

There's a kind of exhaustion that won't let you sleep. Your body is heavy, your mind keeps moving, and the minute you lie down it replays the day, listens for the baby and starts planning the next feed. It's one of the most common experiences of early motherhood, and honestly, it makes sense. Your body has been on watch since your baby arrived, and it's very good at its job.

"It feels like my body forgot how to switch off."

The way a small sound pulls you fully awake, the way your body won't release even when the baby is settled and the house is quiet: this is devotion that has turned into a habit. Your nervous system learned to protect your baby before you knew you were doing it, and it reorganized around that task completely. What it hasn't received yet is a clear signal that it can hand the watch over for a while.

That signal doesn't come from deciding to relax. It comes from repetition, from small familiar things that arrive the same way at the same time and tell your body that this moment is known and safe, and that nothing is required of it right now. That's what these rituals are built to become.

Sleep and Rest Aren't the Same Thing

Sleep matters enormously. Broken sleep makes everything harder, including mood and patience, and that's biology, not weakness. You've probably been told to sleep when the baby sleeps. It's good advice in theory, and when your mind is still racing and your body won't follow, it can feel like one more thing you're not managing well enough.

You're managing more than enough. Sleep may come in fragments for a while, in short windows between one feed and the next. Rest doesn't have to wait for it. Rest is what happens when your body finds a familiar pattern to soften around.

When sleep is this broken, you can lose your sense of time entirely. You might not know whether you slept or only closed your eyes, or whether it's early morning or late evening. That's what happens when your body clock has been asked to organize itself around someone else's needs. The rituals below give the day a few anchors: stillness beside your baby, a morning that opens with light, an evening that signals the day is ending, and a bath that settles you toward rest. Each one is small. Together they're the beginning of a rhythm, and when you start to find your way through the day again, your baby gets a steadier rhythm to follow. We go deeper into that in Touch More Rhythm.

You are not alone in this. You are meant to rest.

These rituals are not routine. They are structure for the nervous system in seasons of intensity. Repletion, not depletion. Care that feeds your skin, your nervous system, and your bond, especially on the days when everything feels too loud, too heavy, too much.

In this season, they are acts of returning. Small anchors that give your body a familiar pattern to soften around, even when sleep hasn't come.

Let us begin.

The Rituals

Choose the one that belongs to today. Return to your favourite tomorrow.

The Still Moment

3 to 5 minutes. Any time of day.

When your baby is settled, put them down on the bed and lie down beside them in a C-shape: on your side, knees drawn up below their feet, your arm above their head. Use the bed only, never a sofa or an armchair.

Many breastfeeding mothers curl this way without being taught. Researchers who have studied it call it the cuddle curl, and they've observed that it keeps the mother's body between the baby and the pillows. Let yourself arrive in that shape without trying to improve on it.

If sleep doesn't come, let your eyes rest on your baby instead. Watch the small rise and fall of their chest, the way their face shifts as they dream, the curl of their fingers. Rest arrives through a different door here. The accomplishment is already beside you, breathing, and your warmth, your presence and your body curved around theirs helped make that possible.

Sharing a bed with your baby is a choice worth learning to do safely, and there are good guides to how. Some families attach a sidecar crib to the bed, so the baby sleeps right beside the mother on a surface of their own.

Let that be enough. It is more than enough.

The Touch More Guide holds twenty themes for the nervous system seasons of early motherhood. Free, and yours to keep.

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The Exhale

5 to 7 minutes. Morning.

Before the day builds into itself, begin here.

Walk to the window and draw the curtains open slowly. If your baby is awake, bring them with you and hold them facing outward, both of you receiving the morning together. Let your eyes travel across the sky, the trees, the rooftops, the street below, without looking for anything. This slow, wide way of seeing is one of the oldest ways a body settles, and your eyes were made for horizon and light at a comfortable distance. Open the window if you can and take one full breath of fresh air before the day fills with everything it will ask of you.

Then take your velvet pouch and feel its texture. Reach inside, and feel the satin and the glass in your hand. Feel the weight for a moment. Look at the botanicals moving around in the glass, the gold reflecting the light. Then put a few drops of Tender Skin Serum on your palms. It has the warming scent of vanilla. Press your hands together, cup them over your nose and take three slow breaths. Smooth the serum into your face with long, firm upward strokes, from the jaw to the temples, from the sides of the nose across the cheekbones, from the brow upward. Slow enough that your skin feels each movement.

This is your body being shown love in a way it can feel. Every time that quality of touch comes back, your body remembers how to receive, and it softens a little more.

That is the body receiving.

Tender Skin Serum is made with vanilla bean macerated in a botanical oil blend for a full month before it ships to you, so the scent is rich and soothing and brings a sense of comfort. The warmth you sense is the ingredient itself, not a fragrance added to it. Deeply nourishing, absorbed without residue. Face, neck, and chest. Your skin will know the difference from the first morning.

Tender Skin Serum →

Evening Return

15 to 20 minutes. Evening.

When the end of the day arrives and neither of you has fully settled, this is where the evening finds its shape.

Fill the baby tub with comfortably warm water and stir in the Honeysuckle and Oat Soak. Test the temperature, lower your baby in slowly, and move the Konjac Sponge gently across their shoulders, arms and the length of those little legs. No rushing. This is immersion, not a task. Speak softly if words come, hum if that feels right, or let the quiet be enough.

While the skin is still warm, massage First Touch Butter into the folds and dimples, from the shoulders all the way down to the feet. The same touch, in the same order, tells your little one the day is done and it's safe to let go. When your baby begins to settle, lay them down and stay close for a few moments.

Keep talking, humming or singing softly as you turn to yourself, because your voice keeps the thread of connection alive when your hands are busy. Then bring Tender Skin Serum to your palms and press it slowly into your face, neck and chest, with the same unhurried attention you just gave your baby.

Your exhale steadies them. Their settling steadies you.

Make this your nightly ritual and it soon becomes your evening anchor, a place you both return to.

The Honeysuckle and Oat Soak is made without essential oils, which makes it gentle enough for you and your baby to share from one month on. Soft water, soft skin, and a bath you both return to.

Honeysuckle and Oat Soak →

Motherhood is long and this season has many layers. The Inner Circle is where I write to you each week as this season unfolds. Each letter brings research and reflection, a short practice you can use in real life, and one practical idea for the week ahead. Free to join.

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Return to Rest

20 to 30 minutes. Evening.

When the house has grown quiet, this ritual is yours to settle into.

Dim the lights and put the screen down before the water is even drawn, so the room starts to feel different first. Run a warm bath and add a large sachet of the Calendula and Chamomile Soak. Then choose what the bath is for tonight. It can be warmth, or your breath slowing with the water. It can be floating, letting the water carry your weight for a few minutes. It can be a place for feelings to move through your body, with tears welcome if they come.

Stay until your mind stops looking for the next task, your jaw unclenches, your shoulders find the water and your breath arrives without effort.

When you step out, while your skin is still warm, press Butter in Pink into your belly, hips and lower back with slow, steady strokes, over the places that carried the most today. Pause before you return to anything.

I am held.

The First 40 Days Ritual holds everything for this window: the Calendula and Chamomile Botanical Soak, First Touch Butter, Tender Skin Serum, a Konjac Sponge, and Butter in Pink. Everything gathered, nothing to source or decide. This is where the Architecture of Grace™ begins.

The First 40 Days Ritual →

A Touch More About Rest and the Nervous System

"I wake up before the baby does just to check if they're breathing."

The way you wake at the smallest sound, and the way your body stays partly on even when the baby is sleeping, is a body-based awareness your nervous system developed to keep your baby safe. It runs beneath conscious thought, which is why you can't think your way out of it. What softens it is familiarity. When your body meets the same sequence of sensations again and again, it can begin to register them as known, and a known pattern needs less watching.

Many mothers also have what could be called baby-in-the-bed dreams: waking suddenly, convinced the baby is in the bed, searching with your heart pounding, before realizing they're safe in their own sleep space. It can happen several times a night in the early weeks. It's your nervous system doing its protective work even in sleep, and it says nothing about your stability.

Researchers have observed the C-shape in breastfeeding mothers around the world. It isn't learned from a book. The knees and the arm above the baby's head make a small protected space, and studies of mothers and babies who sleep close together suggest this closeness shapes the sleep of both. If you choose to share a bed, learn the safe-sleep guidance first.

Your body clock is tied to daylight. Light in the morning helps set it, and adults who get more morning daylight tend to have earlier, steadier sleep. Your baby's own clock is only just beginning to form, over the first two to three months, and daylight in the morning and dim evenings are the cues it will learn from. So the window ritual helps you now and gives your baby cues to follow.

In the evening, dimming the lights and putting the screen away isn't only about atmosphere. Bright light before bed can hold back the hormone that signals sleep, and a room that moves toward dimness and warmth in the last hour of the day helps your body prepare. A warm bath an hour or two before bed has also been linked, in a review of 17 studies, with falling asleep faster.

Sleep loss is hard on mood, and that's one more reason these anchors matter. If you can't sleep even when you have the chance, for several nights in a row, or your thoughts start to feel confused or frightening, call your doctor or midwife that day.

The First Year of Motherhood™ keeps a moment for you

The terrain of early motherhood shifts with every month. The First Year of Motherhood moves with you through each of those shifts, one month at a time, so the right botanical support, the right ritual, the right care arrives before you know you need it.

Join the Early Access Waitlist →

Final Words

Early motherhood is one of the most alert seasons of a woman's life, and a body this alert doesn't switch off on command.

Rest can arrive in two minutes at a window with warm hands on your face, in a bath that asks nothing of you, or lying beside your baby and watching their chest rise and fall. It counts, even when it doesn't look like sleep.

Come back to it tomorrow. That is enough.

For now, begin with rest.

Henrieta Former nurse · Certified clinical aromatherapist · Somatic experiencing practitioner

Continue the Touch More Journey

Next chapter: Touch More Safety →

Even with rituals of rest, the body may not fully let go, and there's a reason underneath. Your nervous system has been keeping watch. The next chapter names the safety system on overwatch, the intrusive thoughts most mothers carry silently, and the rituals that let the watch be shared.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why can't I sleep when I'm exhausted?

Your body has been on watch since your baby arrived, and a body on watch doesn't switch off on command. Racing thoughts, listening for sounds and a tired but wired feeling are common in early motherhood. Small repeated rituals can give your body a familiar signal that it's safe to soften, even when sleep doesn't follow.

Is rest the same as sleep?

No. Sleep is when your body restores itself fully, and it may come in fragments for a while. Rest is any moment your body softens: a few minutes at a window, a bath, lying beside your baby and watching them breathe. Rest doesn't have to wait for sleep, and it counts either way.

What is the C-shape position?

It's the position many breastfeeding mothers curl into when lying beside their baby: on your side, knees drawn up below the baby's feet, one arm above their head. Researchers call it the cuddle curl. If you choose to share a bed, use the bed only, never a sofa or armchair, and learn safe-sleep guidance first.

Does morning light help me sleep at night?

Morning daylight helps set your body clock, and adults who get more of it tend to have earlier, steadier sleep. A few minutes at a window is a gentle place to start. Your baby's own clock is only beginning to form in the first months, and morning light and dim evenings are the cues it learns from.

When does my baby start telling day from night?

Babies aren't born with a day-night rhythm. It starts to form over the first two to three months, so a newborn's sleep follows hunger and comfort more than light. Daylight in the morning, dim lights in the evening and a steady evening routine all help the rhythm take shape.

Why do I dream the baby is in the bed?

Many mothers wake suddenly, sure the baby is in the bed, and search for them before realizing they're safe in their own sleep space. It can happen several times a night in the early weeks. It's your nervous system keeping watch even in sleep, and it says nothing about your stability.

When should I talk to my doctor about not sleeping?

If you can't sleep even when you have the chance, for several nights in a row, or your thoughts feel confused or frightening, call your doctor or midwife that day. Broken sleep is hard on mood, and getting support early is a kindness to you and your baby.

What is included in the First 40 Days Ritual?

The First 40 Days Ritual holds the Calendula and Chamomile Botanical Soak, Butter in Pink, First Touch Butter for your baby, Tender Skin Serum for your face, and a Konjac Sponge gentle enough for both of you. Everything is gathered in one place, so there is nothing to source or decide.

Research This Chapter Draws On

• Ball, H. L. (2003). Breastfeeding, bed-sharing, and infant sleep. Birth, 30(3), 181-188. Describes how breastfeeding mothers sleep close to their babies and the protective position they adopt.
• McKenna, J. J., Ball, H. L., and Gettler, L. T. (2007). Mother-infant cosleeping, breastfeeding and sudden infant death syndrome: What biological anthropology has discovered about normal infant sleep and pediatric sleep medicine. Yearbook of Physical Anthropology, 50, 133-161. Reviews the biology of mother-infant sleep proximity and breastfeeding.
• Bhati, S., and Richards, K. (2015). A systematic review of the relationship between postpartum sleep disturbance and postpartum depression. JOGNN, 44(3), 350-357. Found evidence linking poor postpartum sleep with later postpartum depression.
• Gooley, J. J., et al. (2011). Exposure to room light before bedtime suppresses melatonin onset and shortens melatonin duration in humans. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, 96(3), E463-E472. Shows that evening light holds back the hormone that signals sleep.
• Haghayegh, S., et al. (2019). Before-bedtime passive body heating by warm shower or bath to improve sleep: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 46, 124-135. Found that a warm bath or shower one to two hours before bed shortened the time to fall asleep.